Heartache and Woe

I have turned away from the sun, toward a darkness of wounds that will not heal, and negativity that surrounds me, at the end it's all I know. I will not live forever. We just suffer here till we die. Suffer for nothing, when I go, released from sadness: my foreshadow. I will not live forever. We all just suffer here till we die. Cuts that I pile on, the weight of it drags me down into the void of my own meaninglessness. I long to be forgotten. I do not need a grave, just want to fade away. I, I will not live forever. Break, breaking beneath the pressure. Buried beneath ice and falling snow. We all just suffer here till we die. Black is all I feel, sinking into the void of my own meaninglessness. There is nothing, I long to be forgotten, and when the ache is gone, there is nothing. Oh, won't you please end me. Oh, won't you please end me. Please end me.

My heart is a fire, and it burns all alone. A litany of questions. It's always there, every single moment of every single day: this driving need. You left me speechless, and then the world collapsed around us, plurality of endings. Just rip me open, exposed to all you do, there's nothing I have not endured, the extremes I have been through. I have tried to see this through, if this is letting go, can I begin anew? There's truth in understanding, but loss is all I see, and yet I must find a way to burn you out of me. The ache of a loss of something I never had. Yet another bridge to cross, just a fiction in my mind, once again the act of yearning consumes all of my time. So I pull it a part, broken pieces no longer fit together. Faced with a cycle without end, this bond I sever. You left me speechless, then the stars dimmed in my eyes, I could not feel beyond my heart, trading honesty for lies. And then the world collapsed around us, reality ending here in this moment, and then the world came crashing down. Yet another bridge to cross, (to burn you out of me) just a burden in my mind, (to burn you out of me) moving through this pain and loss (to burn you out of me) as I burn. There's truth in understanding, but loss is all I see, and so I must find the strength to burn you out of me. A cleansing act of parting with this old agony. And so I embrace the loss and burn you out of me. A cleansing act of parting. A cleansing act of parting. A cleansing act of parting.

"Who hurt you?"

Close my eyes and linger momentarily, all just to step outside that bitter part of me, and when I hide behind a lie I've told a thousand times, in the end it's all I know. These hands, grasping out at nothing. These eyes, weight of cold despair. These lines, void in which I'm sinking. This face, never linger there. So here I stand alone, authoring a tragedy, holding on to fractured pieces of me. Open my eyes just to begin it all again, it's overwhelming, each day just like the last without an end. I know that this feeling is just a part of me. I know, I know, I know. These hands, grasping out at nothing. These eyes, weight of cold despair. Displaced, confusion ever growing. Defaced, in shadows hiding there. Distanced, from paths now less familiar. Devoid of all hope. And here I stand alone, authoring a tragedy, no one to share my descent into the black. The agony gnaws at my bones. Ever present burden that this could never be me. Somehow this pain I could not see arrived along the way, is this better than blindness? I've endured decades of living as someone else. How could this ever be me when I do this to myself? My pain is the art through which I bleed. This hurt is the burden from which I cannot be freed. An abyss, yawning maw of desolation. This pain is the force that I must heed. Chained to self doubt: an edifice of despair, I don't need your prodding I do this to myself. My pain is the art through which I bleed. This hurt is the burden from which I cannot be freed. An abyss yawning maw of desperation. Somehow this pain I could not see.

Head spinning, I can barely stand. How can I then tolerate this cruelty from your hand? So when I hide behind a lie I've told a thousand times, in the end it's all I know. Open my eyes just to begin again, it's overwhelming. But each night I ask myself: how could this ever be me? Close my eyes, picture what I long to be if I could leave behind this broken part of me. It's more than just a feeling, I know. I know, I know, I know.