Where Lilies Grew

I take a breath I grip the edge devils won't find me out here the blackened sky the whitecaps fly and the water is warmer than the air what can you do? where are your friends now? where's your head now? you feel it under you the black below falls they know you're here now the ocean feeds the dead beneath can you feel them float up from the deep? what can you do? where are your friends now? where's your head now? you feel them under you the black below calls and they are here now

Early morning, saw you walk beneath the trees and behind you, dragged an elk along the leaves Haven't seen you; left for higher altitudes Dusty picture of a life in solitude I see the heaviness Stones laid with every breath Keep the heavy stone inside covering the hole in you that's open wide Hide the heavy stone inside covering that void in you that's still alive Calling and you Waste away Reaching out through the haze slow decay Calling and you Waste away Reaching out through the haze slow decay Calling and you Waste away

Twisted system in my body I can feel the fulcrum tilting Open fissure hit with atoms I can feel my matter melting Total breakdown of my instincts Remnants of my psyche ground me Feels like it lasts forever Can't hold the world together I'm sifting through the ashes for parts of me that lasted Sick of wanting, feeling, sinking Clawing at the sky and falling Cut off, gasping through the ending Parts of me are left in static Feels like it lasts forever Can't hold the world together I'm sifting through the ashes for parts of me that lasted

I walk up at the theatre, no words, and she just laughs says "follow me out back." I take the invitation, she brings me to the gardens, taking off her shoes and wading in the water, she just watches me says "friend you're hiding something everyone should see." Back home in my bedroom, there's a boy with a knife and he helps me love myself Patient like a painter, finding patterns in my skin and letting spirits fly What did you find I saw that look in your eyes I'm living in the difference It's getting hard to split it I step out of my body, see my feathers coming up through the skin What did you find I saw that look in your eyes

This is new light Autumn moon night Catching all your visitors and raising them like children Their wings will beat against the jar lighting the way from where you are Kill the headlights Onyx mere of night They won't survive in there Seeing that look in your eyes, holding the pedal to drive Once you crash, you are front and center Spit and thrash, as if you think that's better At the impact throw your head back Watch all your visitors light the highway Bell jar navigator held inside Watch all your visitors light the highway Bell jar navigator held inside This is new light Autumn moon night Once you crash you are front and center Spit and thrash, as if you think that's better At the impact throw your head back

I wandered into the trees at night In hopes of seeing them Seeing them there I hold my breath And bite my lip I'm pulled beyond the seam In the presence of hidden voices That yell and laugh and cry I'm driven here by choices Without a reason why There will be no going home You will never know the truth Now that branches hold the bones Now your blood belongs to roots Nature isn't mute

Carry me on through the green to graves with stones that tend to lean. The corals you wear in your crown, pieces of shells in white and brown. Carry me through to the end of the row where I will rest until the earth is unmade. Bury me under your feet, let me dream of claws and teeth. Descending through lairs of silt and stone; You lay me down into my bones.

Calculate this violent age the needle measures analog Built it from our broken cage Feelings to be catalogued An echo of a system where we used to stand but now we stand alone Today the needle changed its course and sent a message into the unknown I need to know, who else is out there? Beyond this wired heart Who would stop me now? Beyond this wired heart Reckless in this violent age Tearing through particulate A feeling's just a feeling 'till you find yourself engulfed in it I shake the needle somewhere else I shake it, calling who else, who else, who else, who else? I need to know, who else is out there? Beyond this wired heart Beyond this wired heart

I've been sitting on this how long? I've been holding it for too long Have you found it under me to dust the years off? It has a name, it just won't come when called I've tried, I know it hears To coax it out would be a chore with little merit You've been picking at it; pulling at the string that strays And you've made no difference to it; just moved it, and I've given into it It has a name, it just won't come when called I know it hears You're not the first and not the last to try your hand at it I've been calling it for years now; it will not listen to you I've been holding it for too long Will you call it by the name that it will not answer to? And will you dust the years off?

I planted them at night to keep the monsters out They started growing thorns They grew to block the sun out Briar, hooks and arrows Grows my likeness They pull me under slow from here inside the vines I eat the sour fruit that still keeps me alive Briar stole my image Hear it from inside Briar is the skyline Growing till you choke Snaking lines of brambles wrapped around your throat Briar, closing tighter grabs you from below Leave you wrapped in ivy left to overgrow

Floating ember bath dissolving, curious Becoming fire at last Cinder heart, dissolving, furious Only took a spark igniting, immolate Lifting looks from glass Whispers burned Exploding, insidious Fire at last Bleeding, liquid hearts beating, twisting Every word Hungry wraith Devouring, humility

I lay beside you Ignited, for the thousandth time Who will light it When there's no one left alive I beg forgiveness for forgetting With all the years gone by Alone and lost in time This skin belongs to me But I'll lie in flames and soon be free All you've known, all you've seen Falls to ash, grows (fades) to green In the age of rebirth You'll return, roots and earth I beg forgiveness for forgetting I staggered in through the trees To a place where lilies grow To a place that I did know In an age so long ago I fell to my knees In a place where lilies grow Where ashes found their home I sank through the leaves in that place where lilies grew near a thousand years ago I can't be blamed There's no remembrance in after days When the distance is an age and the years have changed our face